


Forgiveness

by pushingviolets



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Forgiveness, Internal Conflict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23068156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushingviolets/pseuds/pushingviolets
Summary: As they juggle the fate of humanity in their hands, the weight of betrayal and lost friendships weigh heavy on the trio's shoulders. Can they find forgiveness? Will Eren and Mikasa reunite? Most importantly, what happens when it's all over?
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 22
Kudos: 89





	1. You know that, don't you?

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring protective Armin, Mikasa who has never done anything wrong ever, and idiot boy Eren's inner conflict.
> 
> I love them.

“Nobody trusts you, you know.” Armin stood above Eren, who was crouched by the campfire stoking the embers. They had been staked out for a while, biding time before the next phase. Eren bit back a retort, there was no malice in Armin’s matter-of-fact tone.

Armin slunk down to sit on the wet grass alongside his once-best friend. “I wish I could say I did, but I don’t. Funny how things change.” Eren raised an eyebrow at his companion’s ministrations. What was the point of all this?

“I don’t think any of us hates you. Sure, we hate what you’ve done. Your actions have consequences,” Armin looked deeply into the flames. “You’ll never be completely forgiven, but you know that, don’t you?” He looked at Eren with a cold stare.

He felt the frost to his bones. Withholding a shiver, Eren stayed silent. He did a lot of that lately.

“Is there any you left?” Armin asked so softly, Eren barely heard him. He slowly looked over to his friend, conflicting emotions blatant on his face.

“I don’t know anymore.” He grunted, “I don’t know if it matters at this point.”

Armin nodded, not satisfied with the response, but not expecting much more. “I wish I was angry, but I don’t feel like I am. Just… broken.” Armin looked out to the setting sun, “I don’t know why I’m saying this to you. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just think it’s better I tell you what we’re all saying, instead of you listening to the whispers. I don’t trust those voices in your head, those experiences that aren’t yours can affect your perceptions.”

Eren sighed; of course, Armin was doing this for him. To keep him sane, to focus on the mission, to maintain a line of honest dialogue with him. “I appreciate it.”

He seemed shocked to hear Eren display gratitude. “Sure thing.”

They sat in silence, listening to the popping coals and crackling flames. 

After a few minutes, Eren broke the silence, “Have you seen Mikasa?” His voice faint, nearly drowned out by the heaviness of the night. 

Armin stiffened at the question. “Is that really any of your business anymore?” His clipped tone cut deeply. He’s right. It wasn’t his business anymore. But that didn’t stop the anger from bubbling over.

“So you’re going to keep her hidden from me? Pretend that she doesn’t exist? She’s my-” He stopped short, breath coming in short huffs as his fists clench and unclench. 

“She’s your what?” Armin’s eyes appeared to be on fire. “Finish your damn sentence, Eren. What the hell is she to you?” Seething, Armin’s tongue turned to poison. “I don’t know what type of ownership you think you have over her, but she owes you nothing. She never owed you anything.” Eren stared as Armin continued. “Don’t you get it? You broke her. You broke Mikasa. She would have gone to the ends of the earth for you, and it’s not because of some horseshit genetic enslavement!”

Armin wrenched himself to his feet and began to pace. “I’d take your fists on my face one thousand times more over witnessing what you did to her.” Armin stopped short and turned to face Eren, “Stay the hell away from her. You’ve done enough.” With that, Armin walked off into the night. 

Eren felt the familiar guilt wash over him. Would they ever understand why he did it? Would he ever understand? He shook his head, forcing the thoughts away from his mind. He should stay away from her, it’s what she deserves, but he can’t. 

Maybe I’m the slave. He thought solemnly. So be it.

xxxxxxxxxx

Mikasa sat on the riverside, admiring the moon’s glow on the water below. With a long stick, she traced patterns in the water, watching them ripple across the surface. It was evenings like this; she missed her parents. Her mother would put on the kettle and make mint tea, while she and her father would lay on the ground outside their cabin, listening to the wind and the cricket’s song. The memories began to stir inside of her and, before she realized, the tears were flowing freely.

What would they think of me?

She wishes she could tell someone. Share the few pleasant memories she has untainted by blood and pain, so someone knows that she used to be more than a weapon of destruction. 

The only one who understood her inner turmoil was him. Always him. She dreams of those nights where sleep won’t come, and they rest in each other’s reach until sunrise. Sometimes, he would braid her hair for her. It was never any good, but he tried. How could he think those moments between them were falsified?

Mikasa threw the stick into the water, disrupting her languid patterns, and laid her head on her folded arms. She drew her knees up to her chest, maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll cease to exist for a moment.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the soft footsteps next to her. 

“Mikasa?”


	2. I hope you know your worth

“Mikasa?” A feather-light touch landed on her right shoulder, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, just a little startled.” Mikasa looked up to her friend, recognizing Armin in the soft light of the moon. “What are you doing here?”

Armin sat down gently next to her, looking out across the water. “I spoke with Eren.”

Mikasa held her breath, her heart seizing in her chest. She’d been avoiding him, but that isn’t to say his absence doesn’t hurt. “I know you miss him,” Armin sighed. “I know I’ll never understand what your connection is… I just hope you know your worth, Mikasa.” He clapped a hand on her shoulder, “You’re worth it all. I don’t know why he said what he said, and I won’t make excuses, but… Please remember, you existed before he came along.” With a slight squeeze to her shoulder, Armin lifted himself off the grass. 

“You know,” Armin looked down at her, “None of us would be here without you.” Mikasa looked up at him, eyes wide. 

“Thank you, Armin.” She looked away, fearful of the tears threatening to spill. She heard his footsteps fade towards the direction of the campsite, and she was left alone with her thoughts once more. 

Eren laid flat on his back watching the moonlit shadows dance off the fabric of his tent, his conversation with Armin knocking around his head. Of course, he hurt Mikasa, that was the point. He knew what he was doing when he began his tirade against her, but he didn’t expect his own reaction after it was done. 

I miss her, he thought. 

Eren groaned and rolled to one side, clutching his pillow over his head. He did it for her- or at least that’s what he kept telling himself. Eren refused to allow her to live as his slave, he cared too much for her to allow it. By breaking their connection, he sought to end the Ackerman curse. He could avoid enslaving Mikasa, forcing her to care for him, and free her from a lifetime of being entrapped by him. 

But he missed her. Eren sat up, feeling his self-loathing emanate through his body. He hated himself more and more with each moment he thought of her and cherished those memories. They weren’t his to cherish anymore.

With a frustrated sigh, he pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly. His mind lingered on her face. Her small, warm smile and her slim, grey eyes. Black hair framed pale skin, was there anyone as beautiful as her? No, he knew there wasn’t. The image of her crying face forced it’s way to his foremind. His heart seized at the sight, and he bit his tongue, fighting the tears threatening to come. 

The image faded, and in its place was the view of her seeing the ocean for the first time. Hair caught in the wind, salt on her skin. Her smile so wide it sought to break her cheeks, his heart sank. Would he ever see that smile again? Is it right for him to want to see it one last time?

He was selfish. In four short years, he would be gone from the world. He should stay away from her, lest his memory haunts her for the rest of her life.

Eren laid back down, sleep finally taking him. Allowing himself to indulge, he imagined her fingers on his arm, her head on his shoulder, and dreamed of the memories where she was smiling. 

It was nearly dawn when he awoke. Eren felt as if he hadn't slept at all. As he stepped out of his tent with a scowl fixed on his face, he approached the figure stoking the campfire. 

“Jean.” Eren greeted his comrade in a clipped tone. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. 

“Yeager.” Jean nodded at him, “You look like shit.”

Eren rolled his eyes, “You’re one to talk, horse face.”

Eren expected a quick retort, possibly descending into an argument causing one of them to storm off. Surprisingly, Jean laughed. 

“I knew you were still in there somewhere.” They sat in silence for a while, each growing more uncomfortable as the minutes ticked by. 

“Did you mean it? What you said to her?” Jean asked quietly. 

“... It’s complicated.” Eren huffed and looked away, feeling the shame eat it’s way to the surface. 

“Nah, it’s not. You didn’t mean it.” Jean leaned back, grabbing a mug from beside him. “You’re an idiot and a self-destructive martyr, but she’s all you think about.” Eren felt his face grow warm and opened his mouth to refute Jean's claims, but no words came out.

He took a sip. “I used to hate that she loved you. You could do anything, and she looked at you like you were… everything.” He sighed, “You’re an idiot if you think any of it was fake. And you’re an idiot for not realizing you felt for her the same… and still do.”

Jean stood up, looking over at his shell-shocked companion. “Do us a favor and grow a pair, Yeager. Who knows how long we have left, she shouldn’t have to live and die thinking the love of her life hates her.” 

When Jean left, Eren sat alone at the fire for several minutes; he felt the familiar tug on his heart and knew he needed to see her, at least one more time. 

I'm selfish, he thought, but I don't care.


	3. Figure it out

Eren walked downtrodden through the forest towards the riverside. He had spent the entire day looking for her and part of the night. The moon looked down on him in mocking. He looked everywhere, but Mikasa had made herself scarce. He didn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her. Even though he violently pushed her away, he didn’t think it would feel like this. Half put together, missing pieces, empty. 

Eren sighed as he pushed through the underbrush and into the sand, he froze when he saw her. She had stripped off her socks and shoes, rolled her pant legs to her knees, and stood in the water. Her hand was full of smooth stones that she was effortlessly gliding over the water’s surface. “Took you long enough.” She spoke without glancing behind her.

“How’d you know I’d come here?” He felt his familiar scowl return, irritation lining his voice. 

“I know you, Eren,” Mikasa spoke softly, her statement punctuated by the soft slapping of stone on water. “If I don’t come for you, you’ll come for me. I’ve just never let it get to that point before.” She threw her next stone more aggressively, it landed across the water on the opposite shore. Mikasa sighed and let the stones fall from her palm. “What do you want?”

Eren dropped his eyes to his feet, “I hadn’t seen you for a while.” 

“So?” Mikasa remained deadpan, turning to face him, “I thought you hated me. I would have figured you’d be pleased.”

Eren fought off a shiver, it was unnerving being on the opposite end of Mikasa’s razor-sharp will- his place at her side was something he took for granted. “Yeah, well, it’s odd not having you on my heels all the time.” Mikasa looked away, a flash of hurt darting across her features. Eren groaned, “I didn’t mean-”

“If you’re coming here to hurt me again, save your breath.” Mikasa’s voice wavered. She turned to face the moon, away from him.

Eren groaned once more as he kicked off his socks and shoes and waded over to Mikasa. 

“What are you doing?” Mikasa asked, shocked at his approach. 

He stood by her, looking at her face in the moonlight. Since when did she look like this? Her face was thin and pale, her eyes sad and mouth in a permanent frown. Did he do this? 

“I…” Eren faded off, eyes dropping to her hands. He laced his fingers gently around hers as he tried to find the words. He found her face again and watched her features shift from shock to nostalgia, to something indescribable, to gut-wrenching pain. 

“Don’t do this to me,” Mikasa’s voice began to tremble. “Don’t put me through this again.” Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she tried to pull her hand from his. “Eren please, just let me go.”

Eren held tighter to her hand. His tongue felt three sizes too large, he couldn’t fit the words in his mouth. All that he needed to say, all that he should say, it would never come out how she deserved. Mikasa wrenched her hand from his and turned towards the shore. 

“Mikasa, wait!” Eren splashed water as he moved towards her, “We need to talk…” 

Mikasa ignored him and continued onto the sand, abandoning her shoes in an attempt to get away from him. “Mikasa!” He shouted, reaching for her.   
As Eren grabbed her arm, she countered his weight and flipped him over onto his back. Suppressing a groan, he looks up bewildered at the girl above him. 

“Don’t ever touch me, Eren.” She croaked, her face wet with tears. 

Eren sat up, fighting the urge to scream. Why does he care? He should be happy. With her off his back, they both have a fighting chance in this world. She could get what she wants, live happily in the walls with a husband and child, and he could finish his mission without furthering her genetic enslavement. 

If that’s what he wants, why does he want to follow her? Maybe this stupid bond goes both ways, he thought. He lunged forward and grabbed her ankle, pulling her down onto the sand.

“Eren- Ah!” She tumbled into the sand, turning to face him with fire in her eyes. He pulled on her ankle once more, sliding her body underneath his as he balanced himself over her.

“Mika- Mikasa, just hold on!” He grabbed both her wrists and pinned them beside her head. “Please don’t leave,” Eren begged, his voice cracking with longing as he clung to her wrists. Mikasa stilled below him, her confusion evident on her face.

“I don’t understand…” Mikasa looked up at him, her eyes wide with hurt. “You hate me… you said so yourself and now…” The tears began to fall once more. “And now, all this… Are you trying to hurt me again?”

Eren fought the tears pooling in his eyes. She looked so sad, so heartbroken, and he caused all of this. “I don’t hate you… I just want you to be free.” He whispered, thumbs rubbing circles into the soft flesh of her wrist. 

“I am free!” She said through gritted teeth, “I’ve always been free.”

Eren stared down at her, regret and affection spilling over inside of him, filling his heart. If only she knew how he felt. If only he knew how to tell her. 

A sudden urge overcame him, his body answered his mind’s question- he knew exactly how to show her. With a sudden surge of bravery, he dipped down and met her lips with his own. He felt her body grow rigid beneath him, shock overtaking her. After a moment, her soft lips formed with his own, warmth spread through his chest as she reciprocated his movements. 

He released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her up with him as he sat back down on his knees, one hand holding her back, the other buried in her hair as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. 

Slowly, Mikasa wrapped her arms around him, tracing the bumps on his spine, sighing into his shoulder. “You hurt me, Eren.”

Eren burrowed further into her, wishing with all his might to undo time. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she began to tremble. 

She pulled away from him, staring at his face. Mikasa held his face with both hands, “I’ve wanted this for so long.” She whispered, brushing his lips over his, “but I don’t believe you.” Her voice cracked as she pulled away from him. 

Every nerve ending in his body began to scream at her absence, he held tighter to her waist, “Wait! Please…” He cried out in desperation, clinging to her form, “I… I’m in love with you.”

Mikasa froze, turning back to face him. Trepidation in her eyes, he could feel her resolve weaken. “... What did you say?”

With a deep breath, Eren opened his heart to her. “I’m in love with you. I think I always have been, I just… I can’t…” Eren groaned in frustration, fisting her shirt in his palm. “What if what you feel isn’t real? I couldn’t take it if none of this was real. If you risked your life for me out of submission and not…” The tears began to fall freely from his eyes.

With a gentle touch, Mikasa brushed away a few of his tears. “Eren… Look at me.” 

Eren peaked through his lashes up to her face, she held his chin. “I chose to stay by your side. I chose to follow you into the military. I chose to face the threat of the outside world. I did all of those things for no other reason but my feelings for you.” Her voice trembled and a blush spread across her cheeks. She bit her lip, “It’s always been you.”

“I love you.” The words spilled out of her mouth, and Eren swore it was music. He knew they didn’t have tomorrow guaranteed, that neither of them could make it until the end, but they had tonight. He would make it worth it, he would give this night to her. 

With renewed vigor, he moved back to her lips, capturing them with his once more. He felt her tears wet his cheeks, there was nothing he could say. He could hold her, kiss her, show her how he feels. 

He moved his way to her neck, hands roaming over her back, tugging on her shirt. Carefully, he began to kiss the soft flesh of her neck. Mikasa moaned softly, causing a blush to fall over his face. He felt himself start to shake, his hands losing their strength. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” He whispered.

“Me neither.” She said with a smile. Mikasa slipped her hands underneath his shirt, “Let’s figure it out together.”

Eren nodded, laying her back against the sand. It was cold in the moonlight, but she had never looked more beautiful.

With a shaky hand, he softly cupped her cheek. With a trembling breath, he closed the gap between them. Mikasa’s eyes fluttered shut as she drank in the feel of him, lips crashed onto hers- awkward fumbling that seems to fit them perfectly.

Breaths passed between lips signaling unsaid agreements and understanding. He hovered over her, uncertainty hanging in the air as if he was waiting for her to tell him to stop. 

She didn’t. 

With a final kiss, softer than she ever thought possible, they took the leap into unknown territory together.


	4. Visions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short epilogue to the saga.

Eren stared at her.

They had pulled some clothes back on, but she was still in a state of relative undress. She was at peace, her eyes closed, and her body nestled into the crook of his arm. Her pale skin marred by light purple bruises- marks he left in haste. He traced them down her neck, memories of her moans, bringing a blush to his face. 

There was no going back, not that he wanted to. Finally taking the plunge into unknown territory was terrifying, but who better to do it with than his eternal protector and companion?

He gazed down at her sleeping form. Her hair was sparkling from the reflection of the lingering stars not yet erased by the morning dawn; a small smile graced her face.

Eren wondered how long she had been waiting for him to see her. 

_Too long_ , he thought. 

The sun would be rising soon; he could see the hint of red trace the horizon. He shook her shoulder, “Mikasa…”

Mikasa made a sound of discontent and curled into him tighter, “Not yet." She muttered, "I don’t want to let go of this yet.”

Eren nodded in understanding and kissed her forehead. As he placed his lips on her skin, a flash of visions flew to his foremind. 

Memories of the future have flooded him before, but none as vividly beautiful and crushingly heartbreaking as these.

A trembling hand over a distended abdomen, blood on either side. Smoke and fire fogged the air, he could hardly see- but he heard the sirens. No, they weren't sirens.

They were screams. 

He saw her, face contorted in pain as she limped through the streets, hand on her belly. "Eren!" She cried out, desperation emanating from her form. "Please!"

_ Where was he? Why couldn't he hear her? _

The vision changed. _Was it all over?_ She was cleaned up, her swollen belly larger now- more distinct. Armin was at her side, holding her hand. _Why were they crying?_

Another flash, this time in a warm room with soft light. 

A cry pierced the air, not his or hers, but something new—a mess of black hair, eyes that matched his. Eren gasped, holding onto the vision with all his might. Mikasa looked so proud, so content. 

_Does that mean she makes it? She survives it all… The little one in her arms, is he theirs?_

The vision faded to black. Eren grit his teeth, willing it to come back to him. He closed his eyes and held Mikasa tighter, his other hand resting on her belly. He prayed he would live to see the vision come to fruition.

He felt the tears threatening to come, a lump welling in his throat. Why couldn’t it be different? He wanted to be selfish, to throw away humanity for one look at the future- to hug his child once, but he had a sinking feeling that would never happen.

All he could do was make the world safe for them. Even if the rest of civilization were burnt to the ground, crushed by his hand, they would be safe. Eren swallowed the lump and stilled himself with determination. His path was clear.

“Eren? What’s wrong?” Mikasa was staring at him with concern. 

“...Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” He let his hand ghost over her lips. “I don’t know how much longer we’ll be together.” He whispered, bumping his forehead to hers.

She threw her eyes down to his chest, “But we have now.”

He sighed and pulled her close, “We have now.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that's not how the attack titan's visions work but just let me have this, okay?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! x


End file.
